If you’re actually looking for a reasonably good excuse, you won’t find it here! Nope. Why do I suck at blogging? Because I’m a moron. Because I forgot my password. Because I don’t have time. Because I see the link in my favorites and I start to convulse with guilt for not blogging, which puts me off blogging even more. Because I have committment issues. I’m just a terrible blogger, but it’s okay! I’m turning over a new leaf! Mostly because I’m incredibly bored at work. And pregnant. And I have absolutely nothing better to do!

What I want to talk about today is something that’s very near and dear to my heart. Passwords. Yes, passwords, my friend. As I struggled to remember my wordpress password, it triggered quite a few thoughts in my generally empty brain. Why do we have to have passwords on almost everything? Why?

I thought about it. Between work, home, and my bank information… and cell phone… I do believe I am supposed to remember at least 60 passwords. At work, every single spreadsheet that comes onto my desk is password protected. In order to access them, I first need to open my password protected email inbox. That’s only after logging into my personal account on the work computer, which of course… is password protected.

I cannot change my outgoing voice message at work without remembering a password. I cannot make a debit transaction without a string of random numbers. I cannot blog, type, email or do anything without a freaking password. I’m sick of it.

The worst is this new trend that lets you know that your password sucks. “OH, you need to have upper & lowercase letters as well as numbers and symbols in order to make it uncrackable”. Fuck you! I don’t need you to tell me that my password is not very strong. It’s not strong because when I make it strong, I cannot remember it! Perhaps the solution would be to make a spreadsheet of all of my passwords and then password protect it? That helps.

In other news, my life is going well. Kids are good. E just turned 7. We spent a week in Myrtle Beach and didn’t die. Mother-In-Law has been informed that she’s going to be a grandmother. She is actually thrilled! Mr. W is the same, as am I. Just bored, tired, and yet… we have no free time. Go figure! I’ll be back sooner rather than later, if I can just remember the password that I reset this time. 

Annnnnd I just got a puppy last Tuesday.

I’m also what I’d like to call “insane” and “out-of-my-mind”.

Mr. W and I decided to start trying in May. Well, we certainly tried! And, apparently, he is not sterile (like he was irrationally scared about) and his boys know how to fertilize.

I’m very excited. This is #3 for me, #1 for him! I cannot wait. I really don’t have a preference for gender, and I’m so awestruck that 3 years after diapers are completely done I’m willing to go through this again! My first prenatal care appointment is on the 13th, so next Friday. Cannot. Effing. Wait.

Also, we got a dog. It’s a Fox Red Labrador. I heart him. We named him Dexter, after the serial killer with the heart of gold! He’s a handsome dog. He’s 3 1/2 months old. The cats fucking hate him.

He doesn’t like the water, either, much to Mr. W’s chagrin. He thinks that Fi is a chew toy, but I’m sure he’ll grow out of that. Either way, we’re happy about our two new additions! Now I just have to figure out how to tel Mother-In-Law.

I really don’t know when or why it started.

And NO! Not literal crap. That wouldn’t be a reason for a blog post- that’d be reason to get a restraining order and call the cops!

I live in a fairly crime-safe area, and I work in one as well. I usually leave my car unlocked while I’m at work during the day. I have no fears that I will ever have anything stolen.

About three years ago, I was working at a large insurance company in a quiet town. My dad, who’s crazy but fun, lives in the next town over. His “job” is working at a not-for-profit agency. He also “sells antiques” on the side. I’m not really quite sure what he does, but it involves not working for the bulk of the day and having waaaay too much free time on his hands, apparently. At the time, I was driving a piece of shit jeep. POS Jeep didn’t lock, so I couldn’t even secure it if I had wanted to!

One morning, I parked it. I went into work. As I’m leaving work (around 4:30pm) and walking through the parking lot, I notice that there is something on top of my car. What the fuck? It’s a table. Like a combination of a scrappy end table and small child’s drafting desk. It is pouring rain outsides, I’m with 3 of my fellow coworkers and there is a freaking table on top of my car. The legs were pointed towards the sky. I was completely baffled until I opened my back hatch and saw that there was also a broken lamp, some old children’s toys, 7 cans of tuna fish and a frozen turkey. There was also a note from my dad ; “Hey, Rach! I thought you could use some of this stuff! Call me when you get a chance… love, Dad”.

Ever since then, it’s been happening with increasing frequency. Once in a while, I’ll come out to my car and find 2 cans of baked beans, some McDonald’s happy meal toys and a box of cereal. Most recently, it’s been toilet paper and tuna fish.

I am curious. I want to know – where does he get this crap? Why does he assume that I need 8 cans of tuna fish every month? How does he have the time to unload it into my car? What the hell possessed him to ever start this up?

While I laugh about it, I also enjoy it. One day, he’ll be too old to do this. I’ll long for the days of jarred spaghetti sauce and dirty cabbage patch dolls. Sometimes, it’s actually useful items. For instance, I just got a puppy last week. Yesterday, he left me two 7lb bags of puppy food, 2 rolls of paper towels, and some cans of tuna fish. I do believe that he’s expecting me to have Northwest Connecticut’s First Annual Tuna Noodle Casserole Bake-off 2008!! at some point in the next few months. I cannot explain the tuna.

I love my crazy, batshit dad. There is nothing out there that can brighten your day like someone leaving some chexmix and girlscout cookies in the front seat of your car while you’re wasting away in a cubicle. Thanks, Dad!

Wow, a week? Really?  That went fast. So much for daily blogging!

Maybe it’s because I’ve been really busy. Nothing so new in my life other than Mr. W and I have decided to procreate!

I’ve been charting my cycles through Fertility Friend for about 5 months now, and we decided that this month is the month. I have never tried to get pregnant before. As a matter of fact, the last two times I got knocked up, I was on some form of birth control. This is the first time I’ve ever planned it out, and I’m really paranoid that it ain’t gonna happen.

My chart is wonky, so I’m not even sure if it was good timing, but we’ve certainly been “trying”. My husband is completely oblivious to womanly cycles and demands that I test myself for pregnancy right.this.very.minute! I tried to brief him, but he doesn’t get it. Between the two of us, our child is going to be wishing he had a different genetic makeup!

Other than all of the baby-making jazz, Mother’s Day was this past weekend. Mr. W took the kids to wal-mart and bought me Mums .He did this on Saturday afternoon. At some point late on Saturday night, he kind of looked like he was constipated. When I asked him what was wrong, he anxiously admitted that 1.) he had bought me flowers and 2.) they’d been under the sink without water in 75 degree heat all day. I dug them out and stuck them in a vase. The petals were falling off, but it was definitely the thought that counts.

E made me a poster with Superman on it. Apparently, I’m “Supermom”. He painted his name with watercolors and was fairly impressed with himself. Fi made me a card out of pink card stock. She glued random shapes on the front and drew a very interesting picture on the inside. I forced my family to go with me to the new Chinese buffet. Chinese food makes everyone but me and E gag. They begrudgingly went, and we had a fantastic meal! Oh, I forgot. We spent the morning at Mr. W’s mom’s house. I love my Mother-In-Law. She has been feeling kind of down, so she was thrilled when I gave her our gift – really nice pearl & sterling silver earrings!

We booked a 6 night vacation for this summer in Myrtle Beach. I cannot freaking wait. Also, we had our friends Ashley & Bren over, and Meg & Brian. I went to Meg’s bridal shower on Saturday and we all had a great time.

Fi is having a major oral surgery that’s related to her grave’s disease on Friday. It’s really scary. Mr. W is taking the day off, and we’ll be bringing her to the hospital. It will be a 2 1/2 hour procedure, and I hope she does well.

This weekend, we’ve got a parade and Dock Day at Mother-In-Law’s house. That’s it for now. Nothing too exciting, really. Next time I’m here, I might just be knocked up! Woot!

Why bother changing the default title? I think it works quite well, actually.

Where do I start? I’ve never blogged before. I suppose that my first post should make sense of the asinine header I’ve selected. 

My life’s always been a little crazy. In the days before reality TV, my friends would joke around and tell me that my family could be filmed and put on TV. My teen years were insane. One particular friend likened it to a sitcom. I never really understood that. Perhaps a little “Everybody loves Raymond” combined with “Married with Children.” Now that I’m older and married and have my own family, it’s pretty similar to “King of Queens.” The striking similarity that my old life has to my teen life is that it is a tad like a sitcom – just not as funny.

Bad things happen to me. Good things happen to me. Life happens to me. It’s easier to look at the bad times and consider your life a gigantic sitcom, no? One day, it will pick back up and be filled with canned laughter from your studio audience. It can only be awkwardly terrible for only so long.

That’s kind of my view on life.  Only with me, there is never any writer’s strike and there’s never a break. It’s always on, 24/7. It really wouldn’t make Network TV because of my horrible filthy trucker-mouth. I’d have to go on HBO or Showtime. Minimal violence, Adult language.

The issue that I’m going to have with blogging is that there is always a giant back-story. I can never tell anything without going into this overly-long diatribe about what happened to preface my story 10 years ago. Since this blog will be about my family, my friends, my life’s woes and WOO-HOOs, it’s kind of hard to explain with no back-story. Alas, here I go. I’ll keep it brief.

I’m 24. I’m married. I live in a tiny town in New England. I’ve lived within a 10 mile radius of this town for my entire life. I had two kids by the time I was 20. My son is 6, and will be referred to as E. My daughter is 4 and is hereby known as Fi (which is pronounced Fee, for what it’s worth…). My husband and I have been married for almost 2 years. He’s Mr. W. I dont’ think anyone else is worthy of nicknames, but I guess I’ll have to decide that as I go, huh? I have 2 cats, Archie and Gil. We bought our first house in 2006, and we’re just living life.

Thanks for reading the longest “Hello World” entry of all time. I’ll be back when the next episode airs.